Marriage is often viewed as a cornerstone of personal and societal stability, but in reality, maintaining a long-term relationship can be challenging. In the United States, approximately 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, pointing to a widespread struggle to sustain marital bonds. Compounding the issue is the high rate of infidelity: 57 percent of men admit to cheating in at least one relationship, and 74 percent state they would have an affair if there were no chance of being caught. These statistics reflect both the fragility of modern relationships and the temptation many face when commitment begins to feel routine or unfulfilling.
A common observation made by women involved with married men is that these men seldom leave their wives, regardless of how intense or meaningful the extramarital relationship may seem. This pattern is explored in an article from Today, where several women describe how their married partners consistently chose to stay with their spouses. One quoted statement summarizes this sentiment: “Men don’t leave. They just want it all.” While not universally true, the statement reflects a common behavior among unfaithful men — one where the home, wife, and children provide a stable foundation, while the affair satisfies emotional or physical cravings left unmet in the marriage.
One major reason men hesitate to leave their marriages is the deep comfort and familiarity they have developed with their wives. Years of shared experiences, emotional growth, and vulnerability foster a bond that is difficult to replicate. With a spouse, a man can be his truest self, free of pretenses or the need to impress. This authenticity creates a sense of security that a newer relationship cannot immediately offer. Even if a man strays, the gravitational pull of long-standing connection and the ability to be fully himself often draws him back home. For many, this emotional comfort is as essential as any romantic or sexual fulfillment.
The concept of an “ideal” dual life is another contributing factor. David Wygant, writing for Your Tango, highlights how some cheating husbands view their circumstances as a perfect setup: they enjoy the thrill and novelty of time with a lover while returning home to the structure and reliability of a family life managed by their wives. In this dynamic, they get to experience passion, escape, and validation outside the marriage while still enjoying the benefits of home, children, and domestic care. This setup may feel sustainable for the man, even if it’s built on deceit and emotional risk for everyone else involved.
However, this duality creates pain on multiple fronts. The betrayed wife may suffer immense emotional damage, having trusted in a bond that her partner has undermined. Meanwhile, the woman involved in the affair often finds herself in an unfulfilling, stagnant position — emotionally invested in someone who won’t fully commit. The promise or hope that the man might eventually leave his wife rarely materializes, and instead of romantic fulfillment, the affair results in disappointment, loneliness, and regret. Both women are left with emotional scars while the man remains relatively unscathed in the short term.
Ultimately, while the behavior of staying married while being unfaithful may seem advantageous for the man, it causes long-term damage to all relationships involved. Men who cheat often do so not because they want to leave, but because they want to keep the comfort of marriage while still exploring other emotional or physical connections. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for anyone caught in the web of infidelity. Whether healing a marriage, ending an affair, or seeking closure, all parties benefit from honesty, reflection, and an understanding that long-term satisfaction rarely comes from divided loyalties. Transparency and respect offer the only real path to meaningful relationships.
